Forget Yourself!

As I sat in her living room, mesmerized by her beauty, I realized this is who I wanted to become. She was in her 80's, but had aged so gracefully. She may have not been beautiful in the worlds view, but she had without a doubt her maker's image engraven upon her face. Sister Saunders, who had taught me the value of broken porcelain was about to give me another life changing lesson.
Ironically it was my calling to visit her, to help and nourish her, but it was me who was nourished. I always left a better person for the visit. The lesson I was giving that day was about overcoming trials. "Oh I have had my share of heartache", her voice cracked with emotion, "but I never dwell on it. If I find myself feeling sorry for myself I pick myself up and go right in to my kitchen and bake a cake. Then I pray to be guided to take it to someone who needs to know someone cares!" I don't know how many cakes went out of that kitchen, it is recorded in heaven and really doesn't matter to me. What mattered to me was that she was gently telling me to forget myself and get up and go help someone who really needed it. I do not have a talent with cakes, but I am not bad at cupcakes or cookies and try to carry on Sister Saunder's tradition, plus, I always let myself lick the spoon!
President Faust said, "It is generally good medicine to sympathize with others, but not with yourself."

For the Beauty of the Earth

Today I watched and listened as an older gentleman gave thanks for the beauty of the earth. More specifically the flowers in his garden. I was touched that this seemingly tough old farmer took time to be grateful for what most people take for granted. He had prayed over his garden and then given thanks for it's beauty. I have been caught up in the last week with the worries I keep close, the loss of two children moving out at the same time to attend college, the loneliness of my home. I saw how ungrateful my heart had so quickly grown. As I pulled into my driveway I took time to notice the few flowers that were left blooming, and realized how beautiful each one was. I took time to contemplate that truly my children were becoming better people and out hopefully making the world a better place. They too are blooming in most beautiful and magical ways. My husband still tells me daily how beautiful I am, delusional as he obviously is, it still means the world to me. My heart began to heal and beauty again surrounded my little piece of the world. How thankful I am for the time this man took to remind me to be grateful. Not just for the things I want and pray for but for everything.

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world. - Helen Keller

As I watch friends around me go through terrible life changing experiences I am constantly amazed at how resilient and strong the human spirit is. I love Carol Lynn Pearson's poem, Trial Number Five:
Carefully they laid
Out on the table
Trials one, two, three,
Four, five and six.

"Choose one," they said.

"Oh, any," she cried, with a horror
Born of the best of Halloweens,
"Any but number five.
It would kill me.
I promise you I would not survive."

They thanked her graciously,
Escorted her out,
Then gift-wrapped, addressed,
And labeled "Special Delivery"
Trial number five -

Sent with love from
Those whose assignment it is
To make sure you know
That you can go
Through trials one, two,
Three, four, ninety-nine,
Or five -
And, incredibly,
Come out alive.

I have faced trials that I feared, worried about and did not think I could live through, and because of divine help found out that, yes, I could come out alive. Always, they were never as bad as my worries had made them out to be. Because of these experiences, I know when a little worry, like the bleak economy, surfaces it's ugly head into my subconscious that whatever comes, I will survive. I just take one day, sometimes 10 seconds at a time.
Life is full of choices. It is also full of heartaches and joys. We can focus on one or the other, it is always a choice. I am so thankful for the people that come into my life to show me the better way. The way we were meant to live! I choose joy!

My Grandma

I have never seen my Grandma cry. I have been with her thru the death of 2 Grandsons, her husband of over 50 years, her best friend and one of her sons. She is 94, soon to be 95. In recent years we have become very close. She is one of the strongest women I know. She tells you what is on her mind, my daughter says she is one of the only people that could get away with it. She is a proud woman, and has always excelled in whatever she did. The picture on the right is her Great Grandmother, I can see the resemblance, the strength and the pride.

I loved to drive up to Idaho to see her and sometimes we would sneak out to go shopping. We would have so much fun and giggle like schoolgirls. We loved to just be together. I took her out to eat one year for her birthday and we teased the waiter til I thought he was going to quit, but he was a good sport and even brought her out fried ice cream which she had never tried, she loved it. We were both so full we were going to split but she had to eat the whole thing, I remember the cute way she licked her lips when she was done. I think she really just loved the attention and the moment, I know I did. She is no longer able to get around and so my heart is so grateful that I have such good memories of being with her, listening to her stories and feeling loved and joy.

I will always hold my Grandma close even when she leaves this earthly existence. In G.G. Vandagriff's book, "Voices in your blood", she says that not only are we influenced behaviorally and genetically by our forebears, but we also, in a very real way, carry pieces of our ancestors within in us microscopically. Grandma is woven into my life, like the tightly woven fibers in the yarn her crooked fingers crochet into beautiful afghans.

I love my Grandma and I love her for all the things she has taught me, by good example and bad. Hey Grandma, guess what, you are a fragile human after all and I love you even more because of your imperfections!

Relax and Be

Thunder and lightning surrounded my small tent, rain pelted down like rocks on tin. I lay huddled with my sleeping bag pulled up around my head and all my little worries tucked neatly around me, safe and sound. I hold them close, they make up who I am, (or do they?). As I lay there unable to sleep I started thinking about the worries I kept so close to me, protecting and feeding them as if their very existence depended solely on me and kept us all alive and of worth. How simple it would be if I could place the worries of being a Mom, wife, employee, friend, controller of all things outside of my control, outside the tent just for awhile and just carry one title, Daughter of God. Completely dependent on his love, care and protection. Completely surrounded by his love, uninhibited by the shields of self inadequacy and self imposed unworthiness that I stubbornly hold in place. Just be. Be loved, be cared for, be tended after. The realization that I could indeed be just that brought me so much joy and peace that I could hardly stay still. Truly that is what I am, a daughter of a Heavenly Father that loves me. In this moment, all is right in the world because a loving Heavenly Father and his tender mercies are blessing it and me. Slowly my worries made their way back into my tent and found their comfy places in my heart and mind. But I learned in that one sacred moment that I can have joy and peace and security anytime I want it. All I have to do is stop, feel and BE!

Parable of the Water Filled Goggles

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Most of us were watching and holding our breath when Michael Phelps won the 200m Butterfly during the 2008 Olympics. When he pulled up his goggles and water fell from them, unbelief filled the air. I am not a swimmer but I know the effects of water filled goggles. Right then I knew I had to know more about this incredible swimmer and athlete.
Michael met his Coach, Bob Bowman, at age 11. Coach Bowman knew he had someone special from the get-go. In his wisdom he knew he needed to stretch and test Michael to help him reach his full potential. In 2003 at the Melbourne World Cup, Bowman purposely stepped on Michael's only pair of goggles. Just before the race Michael told him that someone had broke his goggles, Bowman's reply, "You're just gonna have to go without them". Michael could have been mad, he could have ranted and raved and refused to swim, but he didn't. He swam and he gained the confidence to know he could swim without goggles. How did this coach know that during the 2008 Olympics Michael's goggles would fill with water? He didn't, but he did know that Michael needed to be prepared for anything and that it was his job to prepare him.
How similar this is to our Heavenly Father. He knows our potential and is preparing us daily to win our race and return to live with Him. Do we realize the trials that are placed before us are to prepare us? Do we take the attitude Michael did and do our best or do we complain and whine that it is too hard. I can name many times when it felt like my goggles had been stepped on. What if we saw how carefully planned out our life was, by a loving Heavenly Father that only wants us to win, so that He can hold us in His arms again?
In an interview with Craig Lord*, Bowman said this about Michael, "He always had a very good sense of finding where he wants to go and how to go there." In an interview with David Walsh*, Michael stated, "When I'm focused, there's not one single thing that can stand in my way. Never has been. If I want something bad enough, then I'm gonna get there. That's how I have always been." What a blessing this determination could be in our own lives. With an eye single to returning to our Heavenly Father (3 Nephi 13:22, http://scriptures.lds.org/en/3_ne/13/22c ). Could we ask for a better coach?!
As I look back on those moments when it seemed my goggles lay broken beyond repair, I can now see the loving work of my Heavenly Father. With His tender mercies I was brought thru it and taught: Yes, you can live thru even that. Now is the time to determine that we will face adversity with the same courage and submissiveness as Michael Phelps so that we can reach out and touch that finish line and win the race, even if our goggles are filled with water!
*The Times, Craig Lord 8/22/08
*The Sunday Times, David Walsh, 8/17/08
Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Value of Cracked Porcelain

Many years ago I was sitting in a friends living room, I noticed a beautiful porcelain figurine sitting on her fireplace. I mentioned to her how much I liked it. She sat up and said, "That has an interesting story behind it! When my children were little they were in this very room playing, I was in the kitchen or busy somewhere when I heard a loud bang and the sound of breaking glass. I ran in to find my little boy huddled over the broken figurine, already crying and trying to pick up the pieces."

Of course I thought the next words out of her mouth would be the scolding she gave him as she sent him off to his room so that she could repair the beloved figurine. But instead one of the greatest lessons I ever learned was given to me. She said when she saw her little boy, in his heartbroken state, she scooped him up and wiped way his tears. Telling him that the figurine meant nothing to her, just something to keep dust off that spot on the mantle. She asked him if he would like to help her try to repair it. Together they pieced the priceless figurine back together and the next day placed it back to continue it's duty of keeping that spot on the mantle dust free. But she vowed in her heart at the very moment she saw the tears on her most priceless gift, her son, that she would never have anything in her home that held more value than her children. I got up to look at the figurine more closely, the cracks were clearly visible, but they were not sad for her, they brought her joy as they reminded her of what was important. I love you Sister Saunders!
Sunday, September 7, 2008